Most of the time, I feel like it never hurt me. I usually think of it, completely without malice, as this funny little inoffensive thing that people believe in, like Santa Claus. I remembered just now, though, that what seems like a silly fantasy that helps people sleep at night can actually affect laws and people's notions of civil rights. Seen in this light, Santa Claus grows a pair of bloody fangs and starts mouth-breathing and looks a lot scarier and weirder.
Y'all Evangelical Christians can be so batshit crazy, so publicly, and somehow get away with it. It's amazing to watch it happen in the media. I mean, your leaders can get on national television and say things that make about as much sense as "ALL HAIL SANTA'S SECRET FLAMINGOES!" and people will actually listen, light their torches, and get super motivated to go do something about this serious lack of secret flamingoes in Santaland RIGHT NOW!
Which brings me to what inspired this little monologue: I just watched Jesus Camp, and I shuddered to think of the ways in which the scenes are familiar. I was so young and impressionable then. *sigh* Yes, it's true. Most folks don't know this about me-I sortof block out the memory, for the most part-but I have to come forward as a former Evangelical. Given, I was a preteen who was looking for something to fill a void in my boring rural life with excitement, intensity, and a feeling of spiritual connectedness, and I got just that. But I can't deny that for a couple of years, a young, intellectually feeble version of me--but me, nonetheless!--chose to be a part of a church just like the one in that kooky documentary. Here is the trailer:
(Pause: I don't mean to offend any of y'all Rocky Mount churchy sorts who have for some reason facebook friended me. You know I peaced out of that place with a brazen heretical swagger, so I'm sure you could expect this.)
But seriously. Church on the Rise and that other Pentecostal Holiness place we went before that were Ab. So. Lute. Ly. BONKERS. Evangelism, like LSD, can interfere with one's sanity after prolonged exposure. I was lucky to put it down before it took up residence in my prefrontal cortex. I hope you all escaped before it turned your rational faculties to jelly too.
Does the sweet gay guy in denial still play keyboard, I wonder? I hope he's out of the closet by now. Poor guy. Hey, but who knows...if that guy can think he's straight because God wants him to be, then maybe I can make myself into a flamingo by believing I am one! Flamingoes are awesome! And PINK!
And maybe they live on a secret magical island with Santa...and maybe we should base political decisions on this story! Yeah! Grab your torches, children of Claus! We'll smash their microscopes and telescopes and weather vanes so they won't be distracted from the TRUTH of the Lord Claus! We are in a war for validation!
Jesus would laugh at you. Or maybe spank you with cruel relish. If he weren't dead, that is.
