A Bee Lectures Me in Marxism

I had a dream about just that. A dust-covered bee in its last gasps of life told me its deepest political convictions, but the only precise beewords I remember are, "For me, [the problem] is less about power and more about alienated labor."

Unsurprising, after the conversation I had with David about work, health care, and other domestic (as in national) gripes until much too late last night/early this morning. We're going to Turkey or Morocco or Algeria within the year, somehow or other. Your imagination is more qualified to fill in the gaps than is my ability to explain how we arrived at the conclusion.

I keep hyperventilating and yawning. That is an issue for the 'quitting' thread. Without having to see a doctor, I can pretty well infer that if this isn't walking pneumonia (somewhat unlikely, given my age), then it's chronic bronchitis, which is usually exacerbated, if not directly caused, by smoking.

The first problem with the obvious answer--'Quit smoking right-fucking-now, dumbass'--is that I am certain that the last time I had a lingering respiratory infection like this in April, the situation was actually complicated by my attempt to quit smoking at the same time that I was trying to purge the illness. It was too much for my cilia to handle without laying me up totally useless for a couple of weeks, even with the whole giving in to taking antibiotics thing.

That's exactly what happened. I became so sick that I could not possibly have done anything productive for several weeks, which made me really depressed and generally got me into a funk that took a long time to get over. This is something that I cannot afford right now. It is not that I don't believe quitting is worth my time and effort, it's just that I would have to plan for the inevitable illness that would ensue, unless, of course, I start the quit project when I am relatively healthy in the first place. I know that this logic sounds counterintuitive or plain silly to a nonsmoker, or maybe even a lightly-addicted smoker, but the people who know what I mean will know what I mean.

...Which brings me to the next thing I have to think about. I want to try Chantix this time. I could spend hours explaining how I got from my general anti-pharmaceutical stance to this particular conclusion, but I've already done the work of thinking really hard about it, and so I won't. Suffice it to say that the resolution stems from observation of facts about my past attempts to quit. The problem with making it happen is a money issue.

I have the prescription already. I got it when I still had insurance from the public school job, and the doctor was happy to give it to me, even when I explained that I was not sure if or when I would want to have it filled. However, in my current insuranceless situation, enough of the drug to get me started would cost at least $100. This is another expense that I will need to plan for, and that cannot happen right now.

Looking at the research I can find about treating whatever chest crap I have going on right now, it appears that I may have enough Cipro left over from the neurotic doctor, (different one from the Chantix lady, who was awesome) who gave me way too much of it before I left for Guatemala, to self-medicate in the event that I get desperate to breathe more easily. I don't think I will need it, because the whole thing seems to be on the outs, but this is still a small comfort. I need to get a little better before I can think about going through the taxing experience of quitting.

This has been a brain-dump about bumblebee comrades covered in white dust and microbes covered in smoke. It is not yet time to set a quit date. I'll let you know when I get the memo.